The 1000 Day Holiday

I am proud to announce the winners of the Worst Beers in the World, as sampled over the course of 1000 days.

354+ Beers were entered, some disqualified as if you can’t remember the name of them the next day its possible the beer is bad. (The Hangover Test).

3rd Place

Pineapple Beer. Not so good.

China produces a lot in this world. From crappy plastic toys covered in lead, to the very fine electronics you are likely sitting in front of right now.

Beer is no exception. These Pineapple beers are very low in alcohol, in fact the only reason they are included is because of the name.

Sweet yet disturbing, trying to describe the flavour development is difficult. Theres no hint of hops, maltyness or anything at all beer related.

2nd Place

Malawi’s Shake Shake was a strong contender for the worst beer awards. It had been holding 1st place since mid 2006.

Made from ground maize, milk products and yes you actually shake it to mix all the sediment up before drinking it. Its a bit of a mouthful.

Yet it also has some positive points.

Its nutritious and filling. Just think of alcoholic very runny porridge.

Yet still gets you drunk at lunchtime on a Monday with all the other locals that are loving the heavily distorted music pumping from the stereo. 1 Litre for $0.50 and think of all the nutritional benefits.

1st Place

If I told you to imagine a beer can that looks innocuous enough. The only hint trouble may be ahead is that its Lemon flavoured. You think how bad can it be?

Worst Beer in the World!

I can honestly say, I have never drunk less of a beer. Ever.

The first developing “Taste” is similar to what taking a few tablespoons of liquid salt into your mouth feels like.  There’s an instant gag reflex, and it really doesn’t provide that nice initial refreshing tingle that beer should.

The second stage of flavour comes in the form of “Lime” which tastes like lemon floor detergent smells.

I encouraged everyone in the hostel to sample it. Nobody wanted more than their first sip.

Beer + Salt + Lime in a can. Widely available in Mexico & Costa Rica. This whole genre of beer needs to be eradicated from the world.

Rock Ice with Lemon is announced as the winner of the Worst Beer In The World Contest. As judged by Moby on his 1000 Day Holiday.

While in Beijing, I ran into a guy, Stu, who I know from Nelson. And he is a true Ginger Ninja/Red Head/Carrot Top/Ginga.

In NZ/Aussie gingers definately are the butt of a lot of jokes. But Stu has discovered an amazing travel benefit of the Ginge.

He was negotiating for a tshirt in Vietnam and he is a very dedicated bargainer. After a lot of bartering they were at a deadlock. She wanted $3, Stu only wanted to pay $2.

She had a flash of inspiration. She said pointing at his hair and then to his crotch, “same same?”

He replied yes…

She says, “you show me, I give you for $2″

And the rest is history….

Who said recessive genes were pointless.

Today I hired a bicycle to cruise around the sights of Beijing. THE BOOK even goes so far as providing you a mapped out route.

I quickly lost that route, and wandered all over central Beijing. The city is filled with over 2000 Hutong, narrow alleyways that twist and turn, leaving you disoriented and a long way from where you started. 1/4 of Beijings residents live in houses on these alleyways. There was more than 5000 Hutong, but the Olympics and rapid development are bulldozing them at a rapid pace.

Anyway.

I was on the other side of the city and one pedal fell off. DOH. In most other cities I’ve been in there would be bike fix-it men on every corner. But since the roads are all paved I guess the demand for running repairs is a lot reduced.

So to get home, I was one leg pedaling. I discovered an unreported feature of my Jandals (flip flops). I hooked the remaining pedal between my foot and Jandal which created a type of toeclip so I could raise the pedal, completing the loop. I had some races with other cyclists and even Electric bikes/scooters and they all thought it hilarious. A foreigner with a 1 pedal bike..

Beijing would class as a bike friendly city! most roads have a bike lane, some the width of 2 normal lanes. There is also integrated traffic lights for the bike lanes!

Today was a special day for anyone who was or is hooked on Transformers. We heard Optimus Prime is living out his days in Kunming. So we talked to a few taxi drivers, well showed them a picture of Optimus Prime (speak I Mandarin no, nor did they speak Chinglish ). The 1st Didn’t know. We hit gold with the second driver.

We jumped in the cab and 10 minutes later, were hanging out with the real life size Optimus Prime. Hes a bit pissed that he lives outside with no protection from the rain and the ensuing rust. But he is still dedicated to the protection of all life.

He was stoked we visited, and offered us a cup of green tea but he had to dash off to sort out some Decepticons.

He did hang with us for some great pictures…

Directions to get to Optimus Prime: Take a #2 bus from the railway station until it terminates. Optimus is across the road (under overpass) and around the corner. Or you can take Bus 90 from the Hump hostel. It terminates in the same place.

Also from here you can grab a minivan/moto taxi to the bamboo temple. (CRAZY!)