The 1000 Day Holiday

I was on a Eurolines bus from St Petersberg to Estonia. 30 Passengers, nothing out of the ordinary.

We reached the Russian Immigration Control Point. At which point we grab our bags and head to get our exit stamps. Im the last in line from our bus. No problem.

Everyone else breezes through. Stamp, next, stamp, next…

20 minutes of him picking at the lamination on the photo page of my passport, while on the phone… The passport is full, just 2 clean pages left. Of course it looks a bit tatty. But hell, I want to leave your country, Im not arriving!

Me trying to say please dont pick at that, since I have to present that passport to Estonian immigration at the next stop.

Its like he wanted me to stay in Russia!

Getting back on the bus and getting evil stares from everyone when you couldnt do anything about it. BUH

Its like being packed alive in a sardine can, except its every type of fish.

I ended up on a train from Irkutsk to Moscow. One that no tourists take. Be as it may this was fun. My carriage was made up of a family surrounding me, 10 young Russians who had just finished their 2 year military stint. A handful of Turkmenistan’ians(?), The remainder being Russians that found it amusing to see a non Ruski bumble around for 5 days on the train.

Highlights:

When a magazine seller came through the car, I grabbed a Sudoku book. The grandmother beside me however went for the broadsheet porn mag. She was careful not to let the little ones see what she was looking at but it was very funny to see an oldie perving.

I had been told by everyone I met in Irkutsk to take at least 2 bottles of vodka with me on the train.

By the second night I I had met all the younger people and anyone that knew a word or none of English. The Army boys and Turks were drinking beer so I grabbed a bottle of vodka. I sat down with the army boys and asked if they wanted to drink it with me.

They signalled no way, slicing their throats with their finger and saying just beer.

So I moved onto the Turkmenis. They too didn’t want to drink it. One of them then said yes, I think out of manners to be a good host.

In Russian tradition 3 people should share a bottle. And if its only two, one will say they will drink for the 3rd.

I said we should drink an equal share. 4 toasts later it was all gone. (not such small shots)

After that I then joined the army boys for a few beers.

Not long after that I got tucked into bed by the providnitsa, with restraint straps to prevent me falling out of my bunk.

I spent more on Snacks for the ride than the actual ticket cost. Including $10 for 200g of almonds. I had even carefully compared the labels and pricing on the shelves. However I Didn’t pay attention while at the checkout.

Cruising through the siberian countryside, jumping off at the little towns to get meals from the local old ladies waiting on the platform.

Drunken singalongs with the army boys at 7am. Crossing 9 time zones slowly really does your body clock in.

In Russian style we were drinking shots of vodka as toasts.

Well into the session one of the group decided it would be a funny prank to have some people drink white vinegar. Long story short, 2 of us ended up drinking a shot of vinegar.

Under normal circumstances I don’t think this would have caused any problems, apart from a possible instant vomit/bit of a gag. Said Swedish prankster refused to take it himself, claiming he didn’t know the effects when he did. bad Karma to him.

However what the pranksters didn’t know (I really hope not), was that they gave us distilled vinegar, 70% Acetic acid! According to online sources distilled vinegar isn’t usually stronger than 5%. I guess said sources didn’t check with the Russians.

The result was very swollen tounges, extreme levels of salivating for 3 days, burnt throats and mouths and great difficulty eating/swallowing/sleeping etc.

Goes down as one of those, ‘umm’ moments in travel.

The last 36 hours have been spent in a train from Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia to Irkutsk, Russia.

3 of us shared a cabin. An aussie tour guide, a Mongolian woman and I.

We arrived at the border ~4am. This means the toilet is locked from then until it departs at 3.30pm. The toilet on the platform was open from 6am.. not too bad so far.

9am arrives, which begins with us being locked into the carriage for 4 hours for Immigration processing, and customs checks. And since we’re still in station, the toilet is still locked.

The process involves customs searching the entire carriage. Checking underfloor spaces, inside heaters, in the roof, everything.

Before they arrived in our cabin, the Mongolian woman had arranged with the guide to put a pair of boots with his stuff. All fine and good, since they could converse in Russian.
She had a heap of new clothes, jeans, and around 30 pairs of socks. Which she was putting inside each other, taking the tags off everything then strategically placing the items around the cabin.
Once the customs agent came to our cabin he went through everything. The Mongolian woman on the trains get searched extra thoroughly, as ‘cheap Chinese warm socks’ (that doesn’t make much sense) obviously have a lot more value in Russia if they bother to smuggle them with such quantity! And since we were in the cabin with her. We get the twice over too.

Our packs get searched, and what do I find under my pack? another pair of boots! The customs guy starts shouting something in Russian loudly at me.. so I just kept saying yes, yes, yes….

In the end she ended up loosing a few pairs of jeans and top but she managed to keep some of the socks. Bummer that she forgot a pair of socks and her passport!

So for helping the Cheap Chinese/Mongolian Sock Smuggling trade I got a really crap pair of warm socks that had a hole after their first wear. And a really spongy apple that she gave me before the customs guys arrived..   And she thought I could be bought for cheap.. HUH!