Mongolia, Camel Toes and all the mutton you can eat
17 10 2007I’ve just got back to Ulan Battor after 14 days in the Mongolian wilderness nothingness. Me, 2 Germanish: Holger & Torsten. Jasmina the Bulgarish. And Byrah our Mongolian driver who I suspect is the 2000-2005 “RussianVan Enduro-Rally Mongolian National Champion”.
Highlights:
- Collecting Poo for the fire : There are certain qualities you look for!
- Having 2 showers in 14 days
- Seeing a tree after 4 days
- Buying a Boney M tape for the driver to compliment his Abba one.
- Getting spat on by my friendly 2 hump camel
- Hiding a “camel toe” in the van as a gift for my tour mates
- Overtaking another vehicle after 7 days.
- Finding a replacement travel hula hoop in a small town in the middle of nowhere.
- Buying wood so we dont have to collect poo, then disoverin said wood smells like really bad poo when burnt
- Waking up to a white Mongolia, snow everywhere!
- All 4 of us getting food poisoning, with the toilet being 400m away across snow.
- Catching the driver watching FREAKY German $#!t on my chest style porn in his ger(yurt).
- Eating mutton everything. Even the boiled water tasted like mutton.
- Smelling like mutton.
- Spreading the chili sauce religion o my fellow travellers.
- Getting everyone saying “why not!” to answer any proposal.
- Getting my Mongolian
mulehorse to as fast as walking pace - Picking up a Mongolian Woman hitching in the middle of nowhere, but carrying a nice handbag. She did wave goodbye to a goat herder then proceeding to teach her Yaniv (card game) and her beating Holger.
- German Holger used to play a Supergroove song in his covers band
- Being Polish as much as possible, using derivatives of polish in speech (being polite)
- While partying the way back to UB (3 bottles of vodka), one of us stood on my bag, breaking my cameras LCD. DOH
And a few silly statistics from the trip:
- 30 Bottles of Vodka
- 10L Beer
- 5 bottles of wine
- Meals provided that didn’t contain mutton: 1
- Total KM’s Driven: ??2500 to b verified
- KM’s driven on Asphalt: ~45
Disclaimer: This post is powered by mutton dumplings that I had for breakfast!
We didn’t have satellite tv, or crazy german porn. So what else to do when it gets cold and dark but drink!
Great article!
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Brilliant highlight dude, sounds like a real adventure which many of us won’t have in a lifetime let alone during your mammoth trip