The 1000 Day Holiday

The UK is the most surveillance heavy country in the world. And they have CCTV cameras that can talk at who they are watching.

Just a little 1984ish to get shouted at by a CCTV camera atop a pole
I raised this with a female friend.

She told me her talking CCTV story. She was near the center of town. Walking around carrying a day-pack, wearing jeans and a sweater.

She felt hot, so removed her sweater, and put it in her bag, and stood up to leave. The CCTV camera asked “could the woman who just removed her jumper to please put it back on.”

She looked down and she was wearing just her bra, she had forgotten that she wasn’t wearing a shirt under her jumper. So it worked in her favour it seems.

I talked to a few others, and the only other experience was a girl smoking a joint with some friends, and the camera told them to stop smoking.

She thought it was her paranoia until she discussed it with her friends and they had all heard it. Obviously its not a smelling CCTV. So it must have been a no smoking area or they were really obvious.

I was walking down the street in Edinburgh, Scotland yesterday when someone called out

‘MOBY!’

I was thinking, since it was only a few weeks ago in Dutchland where I was Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins for a night, maybe someone actually thinks Im Moby. And I havent used the nickname since being back in English speaking countries…

But I turn around and say yeah, and its Greg who I met and snowboarded with in Whistler for a week or so. Back in Jan 2004!

What a headspin. Totally random.

699 Days down, 301 to go…
01/12/07 CS Sinterklass party, Rotterdam
02/12/07 Rotterdam
03/12/07 Rotterdam
04/12/07 To Nijmegen
05/12/07 Sinterklass party w Anne
06/12/07 Nijmegen
07/12/07 Nijmegen
08/12/07 To Amsterdam
09/12/07 Amsterdam
10/12/07 Amsterdam
11/12/07 Amsterdam
12/12/07 Hanging w Wolfe in Amsterdam
13/12/07 Amsterdam
14/12/07 Tilburg – Billy Corgan and his groupies Loes & Sjan
15/12/07 Party w Wolfe in Amsterdam
16/12/07 Amsterdam
17/12/07 Fly to London
18/12/07 London
19/12/07 London
20/12/07 Party w Talia
21/12/07 Koko nightclub with Becky, Dave n co.
22/12/07 Beckys Christmas dinner party.
23/12/07 London
24/12/07 London
25/12/07 Christmas w the Braithwaites & Nicholsons.
26/12/07 London
27/12/07 London
28/12/07 Camera Shopping, Science Museum
29/12/07 London
30/12/07 London
31/12/07 NYE party at Koko

730 Days down, 270 to go…

Arriving in London from the Netherlands. Its supposed to feel kind of like home right.

The Motherland of our little colony at the ass end of the world.

But first you are greeted by immigration. Today is a good day. 60 People in the EU resident queue. 0 in the Foreigners. In fact there’s only 1 lady dealing with those called foreigners.

I approach in a happy mood, thinking this has to be the easiest border crossing. But things have already gone awry. Freshly back in the land of mobile connectivity, I thought it smart to store Jamie’s address at which I would be dossing on my new dutch Sim card. Which to my surprise on disembarking the plane has a default PIN.

Bummer. But I know the suburb, which Ive put on the form, and have a good memory of the map.

She: Whats your address in London

Me: I put it in my new phone, which has a PIN, And now Ive locked it trying to guess the default PIN. But I’m pretty sure I can find it, and if not, find an Internet cafe…

She: So you have no address

Me: I do, but I just bought this SIM, and now its locked, but if I get online I will have it.

She: How long are you planning to stay in the UK? Her flicking through my almost full 48 page passport

Me: About a month, I need a new passport, so have to wait for that.

She: What do you mean “about a month”

Me: Well the time it takes to get a new passport and see a few friends.

She: How much money do you have.

Me: $xx,000

She: What currency? You have been travelling a lot. When do you finish.

Me: Aussie Dollars, 8 Months left…

She: And then what?

Me: Find a new place to live and some way to make money.

She: Raising eyebrow…

Me: But the main requirement for where I’m going to live, is that it must have a nice beach, that’s warm, sunny and has good winds for kite surfing.

She: Well that’s not here then! STAMP.

I love this small flat land!

After a rather sucky Christmas last year, Ive been making up for it in the Netherlands this year.

a huge Sinterklass party in Rotterdam with Nanouk and 150 other couchsurfers. The best was yet to come however.

I then got myself to Nijmegen, and adopted into Annes family for their traditional Sinterklass party.

These are definitely staying with me for the forseeable future! I cant wait to cruise around in a hostel wearing these…

And whats politically incorrect about Sinterklass? He has a black slave/helper called Black Pete. It could only be better if he was a midget too

669 Days down, 331 to go…

01/11/07 Trans-Siberian Irkutsk to moscow, CS w Natalia
02/11/07 Moscow
03/11/07 Moscow
04/11/07 Moscow. Overnight train to St Petersburg
05/11/07 Arrive in St Petersburg – Church of our saviour on spilled blood
06/11/07 St Petersburg – Hermitage
07/11/07 St Petersburg
08/11/07 Bus to Tallinn, Estonia
09/11/07 Tallinn, Estonia
10/11/07 Tallinn, Estonia
11/11/07 Tallinn, Estonia
12/11/07 Bus to Riga, Latvia
13/11/07 Riga, Latvia
14/11/07 Riga, Latvia – Overnight bus to Warsaw, Poland
15/11/07 a Day in Warsaw then train to Krakow
16/11/07 Krakow, Poland
17/11/07 Auschwitz
18/11/07 Wieliczka Salt Mine near Krakow
19/11/07 Overnight Train to Prague
20/11/07 Prague, Czech Republic
21/11/07 Prague
22/11/07 Berlin – Dinner w Renate
23/11/07 Berlin
24/11/07 Berlin
25/11/07 Berlin
26/11/07 Bus to Hamburg
27/11/07 Hamburg, dinner w Liddy
28/11/07 Hamburg
29/11/07 Overnight bus to Rotterdam, Netherlands
30/11/07 CS Sinterklass party, Rotterdam

I was on a Eurolines bus from St Petersberg to Estonia. 30 Passengers, nothing out of the ordinary.

We reached the Russian Immigration Control Point. At which point we grab our bags and head to get our exit stamps. Im the last in line from our bus. No problem.

Everyone else breezes through. Stamp, next, stamp, next…

20 minutes of him picking at the lamination on the photo page of my passport, while on the phone… The passport is full, just 2 clean pages left. Of course it looks a bit tatty. But hell, I want to leave your country, Im not arriving!

Me trying to say please dont pick at that, since I have to present that passport to Estonian immigration at the next stop.

Its like he wanted me to stay in Russia!

Getting back on the bus and getting evil stares from everyone when you couldnt do anything about it. BUH

English is a rich and wonderful language – but sometimes it’s just not good enough.

Kaelling – Danish: a woman who stands on her doorstep yelling obscenities at her kids.

Pesamenteiro – Portuguese: one who joins groups of mourners at the home of a dead person, apparently to offer condolences but in reality is just there for the refreshments.

Ruumiraiskaja – Estonian: waster of space. Ruuminraiskaja – Finnish: Abuse of a corpse

Okuri-OKAMI – Japanese: literally a “see-you-home-wolf”. A man who feigns thoughtfulness by offering to see a girl home only to try to molest her once he gets in the door.

Jayus – Indonesian: someone who tells a joke so unfunny you can’t help laughing.

Spesenritter – German: a person who shows off by paying the bill on the firm’s money, literally “an expense knight”.

Kamaki – Greek: the young local guys strolling up and down beaches hunting for female tourists, literally “harpoons”.

Kanjus Makkhicus – Hindi: a person so miserly that if a fly falls into his cup of tea, he’ll fish it out and suck it dry before throwing it away.

Giri-GIRI – Hawaiian pidgin: the place where two or three hairs stick up, no matter what.

Pelinti – Buli, Ghana: to move very hot food around inside one’s mouth.

Dii-KOYNA – Ndebele, South Africa: to destroy one’s property in anger.

Hanyauku – Rukwangali, Namibia: walking on tiptoes across warm sand.

Tartle – Scottish: to hesitate when you are introducing someone whose name you can’t quite remember.

Vovohe Tahtsenaotse – Cheyenne, US: to prepare the mouth before speaking by moving or licking one’s lips.

Prozvonit – Czech and Slovak: to call someone’s mobile from your own to leave your number in their memory without them picking it up.

Hira Hira – Japanese: the feeling you get when you walk into a dark and decrepit old house in the middle of the night.

Koi No Yokan – Japanese: a sense on first meeting someone that it is going to evolve into love.

Cafune – Brazilian Portuguese: the tender running of one’s fingers through the hair of one’s mate.

Shnourkovat Sya – Russian: when drivers change lanes frequently and unreasonably.

Gadrii Nombor Shulen Jongu – Tibetan: giving an answer that is unrelated to the question, literally “to give a green answer to a blue question”.

Biritululo – Kiriwani, Papua New Guinea: comparing yams to settle a dispute.

Poronkusema – Finnish: the distance equal to how far a reindeer can travel without a comfort break.

Gamadj – Obibway, North America: dancing with a scalp in one’s hands, in order to receive presents.

Baling – Manobo, Philippines: the action of a woman who, when she wants to marry a man, goes to his house and refuses to leave until marriage is agreed upon.

Dona – Yamana, Chile: to take lice from a person’s head and squash between one’s teeth.

Oka/SHETE – Ndonga, Nigeria: urination difficulties caused by eating frogs before the rain has duly fallen.

Pisan Zapra – Malay: the time needed to eat a banana.

Physiggoomai – Ancient Greek: excited by eating garlic.

Baffona – Italian: an attractive moustachioed woman.

Layogenic – Tagalog, Philippines: a person who is only goodlooking from a distance.

Rhwe – South Africa: to sleep on the floor without a mat while drunk and naked.

Shvitzer – Yiddish: someone who sweats a lot, especially a nervous seducer.

Gattara – Italian: a woman, often old and lonely, who devotes herself to stray cats.

Creerse La Ultima Coca-COLA EN EL DESIERTO – Central American Spanish: to have a very high opinion of oneself, literally to “think one is the last Coca-Cola in the desert”.

Vrane Su Mu Popile Mozak – Croatian: crazy, literally “cows have drunk his brain”.

Du Kannst Mir Gern Den Buckel Runterrutschen Und Mit Der Zunge Bremsen – Austrian German: abusive insult, literally “you can slide down my hunchback using your tongue as a brake”.

Tener Una Cara De Telefono Ocupado – Puerto Rican Spanish: to be angry, literally “to have a face like a busy telephone”.

Bablat – Hebrew: baloney, but is an acronym of “beelbool beytseem le-lo takhleet” which means “bothering someone’s testicles for no reason”.

Vai A Fava – Portuguese: get lost, literally “go to the fava bean”.

Rombhoru – Bengali: a woman having thighs as shapely as banana trees.

Tako-NYODU – Japanese: a baldy, literally an “octopus monk”.

Snyavshi Shtany, PO VOLOSAM NE GLADYAT – Russian: once you’ve taken off your pants it’s too late to look at your hair.

Mariteddu Tamant’e Un Ditu Ieddu Voli Essa Rivaritu – Corsican: a husband must be respected even if he is very short.

Bayram Degil (SEYRAN DEGIL ENISTE BENI NIYE OPTU? – Turkish: there must be something behind this. Literally “it’s not festival time, it’s not a pleasure trip, so why did my brother-in-law kiss me”?

638 Days down, 362 to go…
01/10/07 Train to UB, Mongolia
02/10/07 Train Arriving in UB
03/10/07 Sorting road trip. catching up with the world by road guys.
04/10/07 Start Mongolia road trip, Resta for lunch then rock formations
05/10/07 White mountain (well pink and red) & collecting poo
06/10/07 Dalanzadgad Town. Hot shower!
07/10/07 Ice Valley & then staying Bayanzag, camel toe fun
08/10/07 Sand dunes
09/10/07 Sand dunes
10/10/07 Arvaikheer Town – shower!
11/10/07 Woke up to snow, explored the “hot spring”, got to waterfall
12/10/07 Waterfall, the waterfall of diarrhea
13/10/07 Kharkhorin, face painting
14/10/07 To White Lake – sunset at the volcano
15/10/07 White Lake
16/10/07 13hr drive back to UB. RIP to my camera LCD
17/10/07 Not eating mutton!
18/10/07 Hanging in UB
19/10/07 Hanging in UB, Party at Metropolis
20/10/07 On the train from UB to Irkutsk
21/10/07 On the train from UB to Irkutsk
22/10/07 Arrive in Irkutsk
23/10/07 Minivan to Olkhon Island, Try drinking a shot of vinegar.
24/10/07 Olkhon Island
25/10/07 Olkhon Island
26/10/07 Minivan back to Irkutsk
27/10/07 Irkutsk
28/10/07 Trans-Siberian Irkutsk to moscow (2am dep/29th) ( 9pm moscow time)
29/10/07 Trans-Siberian Irkutsk to moscow
30/10/07 Trans-Siberian Irkutsk to moscow
31/10/07 Trans-Siberian Irkutsk to moscow

Its like being packed alive in a sardine can, except its every type of fish.

I ended up on a train from Irkutsk to Moscow. One that no tourists take. Be as it may this was fun. My carriage was made up of a family surrounding me, 10 young Russians who had just finished their 2 year military stint. A handful of Turkmenistan’ians(?), The remainder being Russians that found it amusing to see a non Ruski bumble around for 5 days on the train.

Highlights:

When a magazine seller came through the car, I grabbed a Sudoku book. The grandmother beside me however went for the broadsheet porn mag. She was careful not to let the little ones see what she was looking at but it was very funny to see an oldie perving.

I had been told by everyone I met in Irkutsk to take at least 2 bottles of vodka with me on the train.

By the second night I I had met all the younger people and anyone that knew a word or none of English. The Army boys and Turks were drinking beer so I grabbed a bottle of vodka. I sat down with the army boys and asked if they wanted to drink it with me.

They signalled no way, slicing their throats with their finger and saying just beer.

So I moved onto the Turkmenis. They too didn’t want to drink it. One of them then said yes, I think out of manners to be a good host.

In Russian tradition 3 people should share a bottle. And if its only two, one will say they will drink for the 3rd.

I said we should drink an equal share. 4 toasts later it was all gone. (not such small shots)

After that I then joined the army boys for a few beers.

Not long after that I got tucked into bed by the providnitsa, with restraint straps to prevent me falling out of my bunk.

I spent more on Snacks for the ride than the actual ticket cost. Including $10 for 200g of almonds. I had even carefully compared the labels and pricing on the shelves. However I Didn’t pay attention while at the checkout.

Cruising through the siberian countryside, jumping off at the little towns to get meals from the local old ladies waiting on the platform.

Drunken singalongs with the army boys at 7am. Crossing 9 time zones slowly really does your body clock in.