The 1000 Day Holiday

Its like being packed alive in a sardine can, except its every type of fish.

I ended up on a train from Irkutsk to Moscow. One that no tourists take. Be as it may this was fun. My carriage was made up of a family surrounding me, 10 young Russians who had just finished their 2 year military stint. A handful of Turkmenistan’ians(?), The remainder being Russians that found it amusing to see a non Ruski bumble around for 5 days on the train.

Highlights:

When a magazine seller came through the car, I grabbed a Sudoku book. The grandmother beside me however went for the broadsheet porn mag. She was careful not to let the little ones see what she was looking at but it was very funny to see an oldie perving.

I had been told by everyone I met in Irkutsk to take at least 2 bottles of vodka with me on the train.

By the second night I I had met all the younger people and anyone that knew a word or none of English. The Army boys and Turks were drinking beer so I grabbed a bottle of vodka. I sat down with the army boys and asked if they wanted to drink it with me.

They signalled no way, slicing their throats with their finger and saying just beer.

So I moved onto the Turkmenis. They too didn’t want to drink it. One of them then said yes, I think out of manners to be a good host.

In Russian tradition 3 people should share a bottle. And if its only two, one will say they will drink for the 3rd.

I said we should drink an equal share. 4 toasts later it was all gone. (not such small shots)

After that I then joined the army boys for a few beers.

Not long after that I got tucked into bed by the providnitsa, with restraint straps to prevent me falling out of my bunk.

I spent more on Snacks for the ride than the actual ticket cost. Including $10 for 200g of almonds. I had even carefully compared the labels and pricing on the shelves. However I Didn’t pay attention while at the checkout.

Cruising through the siberian countryside, jumping off at the little towns to get meals from the local old ladies waiting on the platform.

Drunken singalongs with the army boys at 7am. Crossing 9 time zones slowly really does your body clock in.

In Russian style we were drinking shots of vodka as toasts.

Well into the session one of the group decided it would be a funny prank to have some people drink white vinegar. Long story short, 2 of us ended up drinking a shot of vinegar.

Under normal circumstances I don’t think this would have caused any problems, apart from a possible instant vomit/bit of a gag. Said Swedish prankster refused to take it himself, claiming he didn’t know the effects when he did. bad Karma to him.

However what the pranksters didn’t know (I really hope not), was that they gave us distilled vinegar, 70% Acetic acid! According to online sources distilled vinegar isn’t usually stronger than 5%. I guess said sources didn’t check with the Russians.

The result was very swollen tounges, extreme levels of salivating for 3 days, burnt throats and mouths and great difficulty eating/swallowing/sleeping etc.

Goes down as one of those, ‘umm’ moments in travel.

The last 36 hours have been spent in a train from Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia to Irkutsk, Russia.

3 of us shared a cabin. An aussie tour guide, a Mongolian woman and I.

We arrived at the border ~4am. This means the toilet is locked from then until it departs at 3.30pm. The toilet on the platform was open from 6am.. not too bad so far.

9am arrives, which begins with us being locked into the carriage for 4 hours for Immigration processing, and customs checks. And since we’re still in station, the toilet is still locked.

The process involves customs searching the entire carriage. Checking underfloor spaces, inside heaters, in the roof, everything.

Before they arrived in our cabin, the Mongolian woman had arranged with the guide to put a pair of boots with his stuff. All fine and good, since they could converse in Russian.
She had a heap of new clothes, jeans, and around 30 pairs of socks. Which she was putting inside each other, taking the tags off everything then strategically placing the items around the cabin.
Once the customs agent came to our cabin he went through everything. The Mongolian woman on the trains get searched extra thoroughly, as ‘cheap Chinese warm socks’ (that doesn’t make much sense) obviously have a lot more value in Russia if they bother to smuggle them with such quantity! And since we were in the cabin with her. We get the twice over too.

Our packs get searched, and what do I find under my pack? another pair of boots! The customs guy starts shouting something in Russian loudly at me.. so I just kept saying yes, yes, yes….

In the end she ended up loosing a few pairs of jeans and top but she managed to keep some of the socks. Bummer that she forgot a pair of socks and her passport!

So for helping the Cheap Chinese/Mongolian Sock Smuggling trade I got a really crap pair of warm socks that had a hole after their first wear. And a really spongy apple that she gave me before the customs guys arrived..   And she thought I could be bought for cheap.. HUH!

I’ve just got back to Ulan Battor after 14 days in the Mongolian wilderness nothingness. Me, 2 Germanish: Holger & Torsten. Jasmina the Bulgarish. And Byrah our Mongolian driver who I suspect is the 2000-2005 “RussianVan Enduro-Rally Mongolian National Champion”.

Highlights:

• Collecting Poo for the fire : There are certain qualities you look for!
• Having 2 showers in 14 days
• Seeing a tree after 4 days
• Buying a Boney M tape for the driver to compliment his Abba one.
• Getting spat on by my friendly 2 hump camel
• Hiding a “camel toe” in the van as a gift for my tour mates
• Overtaking another vehicle after 7 days.
• Finding a replacement travel hula hoop in a small town in the middle of nowhere.
• Buying wood so we dont have to collect poo, then disoverin said wood smells like really bad poo when burnt
• Waking up to a white Mongolia, snow everywhere!
• All 4 of us getting food poisoning, with the toilet being 400m away across snow.
• Catching the driver watching FREAKY German $#!t on my chest style porn in his ger(yurt).
• Eating mutton everything. Even the boiled water tasted like mutton.
• Smelling like mutton.
• Spreading the chili sauce religion o my fellow travellers.
• Getting everyone saying “why not!” to answer any proposal.
• Getting my Mongolian mule horse to as fast as walking pace
• Picking up a Mongolian Woman hitching in the middle of nowhere, but carrying a nice handbag. She did wave goodbye to a goat herder then proceeding to teach her Yaniv (card game) and her beating Holger.
• German Holger used to play a Supergroove song in his covers band
• Being Polish as much as possible, using derivatives of polish in speech (being polite)
• While partying the way back to UB (3 bottles of vodka), one of us stood on my bag, breaking my cameras LCD. DOH

And a few silly statistics from the trip:

• 30 Bottles of Vodka
• 10L Beer
• 5 bottles of wine
• Meals provided that didn’t contain mutton: 1
• Total KM’s Driven: ??2500 to b verified
• KM’s driven on Asphalt: ~45

Disclaimer: This post is powered by mutton dumplings that I had for breakfast!

We didn’t have satellite tv, or crazy german porn. So what else to do when it gets cold and dark but drink!

608 Days down, 392 to go…
01/09/07 Chengdu – to the Pandas.. and catching up w Wim!
02/09/07 Chengdu
03/09/07 Chengdu
04/09/07 Chengdu
05/09/07 Bus from Chengdu to Songpan
06/09/07 Songpan Horse Trek to Ice Mountain
07/09/07 Songpan Horse Trek
08/09/07 Finished horsetrek, and back to chengdu for the Rugby!
09/09/07 RWC – 3 games NZL vs Italy…Aus v Japan
10/09/07 Chengdu, Sichuan Opera (Face Changing…)
11/09/07 Museum of History
12/09/07 Terracotta Warriors & Overnight train to Shanghai
13/09/07 CS ing with Sarah & Thoma
14/09/07 Shanghai Museum. Hotpot Resturant then ‘Antidote’ Party & Bar st
15/09/07 Banana Club
16/09/07 MOMA,
17/09/07 Bus to Hangzhou
18/09/07 Hangzhou, Suffering the rain from the typhoon
19/09/07 Hangzhou, Riding around west lake
20/09/07 Crashed a flash peoples party at
21/09/07 Live Concert, Retro (china style placebo) & Synth group (ala Depeche Mode)
22/09/07 Overnight Train to Beijing
23/09/07 Scoring a train ticket to Mongolia in Golden week!
24/09/07 1 Legged bicycling around Beijing
25/09/07 Beijing
26/09/07 Beijing
27/09/07 Beijing
28/09/07 Beijing
29/09/07 Beijing
30/09/07 Beijing